The Good Stuff....can't be taken.

Last night was one of the sweetest nights in awhile. I tried to savor every moment. It was a night full of so many emotions. For starters....a dear brother in Christ whom I have know since he was in 7th grade got married...to a very sweet and Godly woman whom I also was blessed to have spent time with...it was so neat to see how God had brought them together.
It was also a bit of a small reunion of dear dear friends...whom I was so blessed and feel honored to have served with in ministry many years ago.
I almost fell over when I saw Nace there to do the ceremony... but instead of falling..I ran down a gravel road like a crazy woman to give him a huge hug! I couldn't believe it! Then of course there was Jennifer "Skainer" & David Martin and Sean& Jennifer Fitzgerald!! I literally did not want the night to end. I just about cried sitting there at the reception. I have the funnest, craziest, and sweetest Christ centered, memories with these guys. We tried calling a few others in the old JV gang..I was so so sad we couldn't get a hold of Vandana "Brownie" and Kathleen "Katz" to join us.
Just that taste of being around such amazing people who love Jesus...took me back...and then to the present again.... as I looked around and saw so many "kids" from the JV ministry all grown up...several married. Then looking at my fellow leaders with their spouses.... knowing they were all parents as well.....I was in awe of all that God had done. Towards the end of the night...when they had to go....and each one slipped away...back to their lives....to their families.....there was a huge sadness that came over my heart...I must say I have been wrestling with it ever since.
There are a few places and times that I am reminded that I am single... a wedding is usually one of them...this wedding with old and dear friends...who have amazing spouses and kids definitely did it. It was for sure one of the sweetest nights...and in the end it was one of the loneliest. I hate that it's true. I wish I was super christian girl...who could never let these dumb feelings and lies come over her....but I'm not. It wasn't even that I was jealous of what they had....I just didn't want them to leave....I wanted us all to be together again. I know all the logical awesome reasons for appreciating my singleness....but as they each went away...back to their lives...I was left feeling so empty. Wondering and questioning....trying to fight the lies that seemed to want to take a place in my heart and mind. I am truly thankful for this place that God has me. There is a reason beyond me that I am here. But I absolutely miss having a group that I was apart of....such dear friends that I could always be 100 % myself with..... laugh with and at each other....the kind you stay up with late into the night discussing God and life......that connection that goes beyond the surface. I miss being around Godly men who love Jesus...who openly share what God is teaching them through His Word....and fight to struggle well. You guys were such servants to us crazy girls...and you were so fun....we shared so much laughter...and wrestling matches!! You were so kind to open up to us...to love and truly serve us as brothers. It is rare that I meet men like you these days. Too many flakes. You truly are the cream of the crop.
I feel so blessed to know each of you and to have served along side you in ministry. What a gift those years were to my life.
Sitting in church tonight....God was so sweet to meet me where I was. Through the worship....my focus was brought back to Christ..and yes... how it's so not about me..but about worship and loving God. Gotta love Matt Chandler. He really brought it home. Luke 10...love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength...and your neighbor as yourself. I was reminded once again of what is truly important. It's not about being married...or being single...but it's about loving God with all my heart and soul..etc...and loving my neighbor ....the kind of love that cost me...as it cost the Samaritan who helped the man who was robbed--unlike the Priest and Levite...who passed up the opportunity to love--they were too focused on their selves. It's about being more like Mary and sitting at His feet...choosing the good part every day-which is Christ....because He can't be taken from me. I am thankful for this ache in my heart..it's ok if it stays with me....because it means I love you so deeply and it reminds me that only He can fill up the emptiness to over flowing...and one day... we will be together... forever. =)