A Glimpse to Keep Going....

Ok.....I have to share this...because it's another piece of the puzzle.

I had a huge break through last night after talking with a friend. It was a reconciliation...and coming a little more to then end of me. There is nothing like a friend who will listen to your heart...even when you think you want to punt it. A friend who will let you just say all the things you feel even if your thinking is completely wrong and off....they just give you the freedom to vent. This person was so kind...and giving... to let me share my heart....to listen to my anger...and let me throw out the things I am so scared that God might be asking me...and then challenge me back with the what if's till I had nothing left to say. I am so thankful for his encouragement and for believing in me...that I won't punt it...for displaying a gentle boldness...in the way he challenged my wrong thinking....but doing it with kindness and huge amounts of grace.
At some point it came up about Southwest Airlines....and how the door was closed ...I explained that it was months ago....I had at least moved on from that ...but I still had no idea why I didn't get it...and I shared with Him a conversation I had with God regarding the whole thing.
Well....today I am at work....and I rarely answer my cell at work..but I noticed a call that had no number. So mostly out of curiosity I answered it..thinking it would be a bill collector! =) It turned out to be my flight recruiter for Southwest Airlines...the person I interviewed with. She is so bubbly and sweet! I absolutely loved her...I was so surprised to get the call.
She knows a friend of mine and wanted to call and let me know why I didn't get picked. I was so nervous to hear why I didn't get it...but she said she thought it would help me. It turns out....they chose me...loved me...wanted me...said I had what they were looking for....BUT...I didn't pass the background check. I almost died when she said it....??? what could I have done??!! She then tells me...that the background committee stated I had too many jobs in the past 10 years. I'm like WHAT??? Then it hit me how working 2 jobs for the past several years .... must have looked on paper!!! I was trying to be honest...so I put down my second jobs...even the summer jobs I had taken while teaching. =)
I really think it's funny now. I worked hard...tried to pay off debt...and I was disqualified! Kinda goes along with the hospital asking me on Monday if I was pregnant??--no.. married????--no...sorry you don't qualify for finacial assistant. LOL!!! What the heck!!

I then tried to calmly explain...that I had been trying to pay off my debt...and the employment dates over lapped....etc...etc. She was SO SO sweet about it. She realized what I was saying....and I realized that she had no control over this....I completely understand their position...they have so many applicants to go through. She was SO encouraging about it...I thanked her so much for calling...it was really kind of her to do it....I'm sure she has a million other things she could have been doing.
It was then that I realized how very closed this door is....I could never be hired by them...and I told her in closing...I am currently looking for a new job... hahaha

I'm so out...but it's refreshing to know it was nothing I did wrong. So once again it's not about me...will I ever get it?? It is supposed to be about God and His will. Without me even knowing God gave a very firm no. It would take an act of Him to change it. It was very gracious of Him to allow me to see behind the scenes today. He didn't have to do that....I can see how much He wants me to trust Him and how much I don't. I can't punt it now. He must have something better for me if He completely shut this down. He is so patient with me. I'm stubborn and I want things my way...or what I think works best. I am remembering my conversation I had with Him after the interview....and it seems to be confirming something. Something I am honestly afraid of....but something He really may be asking me to do...only time and more waiting will make it clear.