As I drove home tonight from Recovery...I had tears of gratitude to Christ....to God my Father...the Holy Spirit for protecting me in all my stupidity....pride..arrogance. It was a night of listening to story after heart breaking story....and realizing.....Oh my gosh....you have completely protected me from this....and this....and this. If I do not do a 180 in certain areas of my life...that could be my story. If I do not seek You above all else.....make you the biggest....turn from idols....then I am left to my flesh.
The many ways that I have been completely selfish and rebellious are in my face. I am overwhelmed with gratitude tonight....challenged to dig deeper into my heart..... to unpack my sin which has been so neatly tucked away and covered with pride.
The other thing that God brought to mind...for the millionth time...is the never ending theme..... it's not about me. When will I ever get this through my thick stubborn self centered fleshly head.
After another job interview.....and not getting a particular job that seemed most fitting....I started to explain to some friends last night..what I thought I didn't do right...or how I must have conveyed the wrong thing in the interview..or maybe this woman felt threatened by me. The Lord spoke through my sweet friend Liz..she just looked up and said...or Tracy...maybe it's not even about you. Maybe He said no for someone else...for some other reason that you can't see...because we know it's sure not about us. SLAM! Honestly there was a tiny bit of pain in that....I thought for a moment.... someone else? Then just as quicky I felt embarrassed...then frustrated that I had missed it again!!!! I told her she was SO right. I was silenced. I lost sight of it.....the thing that keeps coming up over and over and over. It is not about me. ...it is about His glory. My pride....my selfishness strive to make it about me.
Thank you Lord for this place to be completely real. I pray you would change me from the inside out. Become greater that I might become less.
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7 years ago
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