In a Funk....

I haven't written in awhile.....I guess I've been in a bit of a funk. I've been told I'm just in the waiting room. It definitely feels more like funk. I don't really like it.....I really am a happy...fun person....but this place...seems to pull me down. Something's gotta give.
I got to spend some sweet time with my dad yesterday....it was so precious...and yet I was left with a sadness that hung over my heart today. I think for the first time....I realized a bit more about my dad's disease. I don't want to say too much out of respect for my dad...but I will share the one thing that resonated with me. My dad has about 10 years before this disease could get really bad..as in dyalsis. So I asked my dad....how you going to spend your ten years...he laughed and avoided the question by asking me what I would be doing in 10 years and if he could have one of my kidneys...he might need it! Of course I would give my dad my kidney...but after the laughter....that question stuck with me.... what do you do with 10 years of good health....it brought me back to a contemplative place...what am I doing with my years?? It made my decision seem more important....I don't want to waste the time I'm given....and so this career decision looms over me. I must make one soon. I feel a bit paralized. A few things have come my way...but they just don't seem right..or maybe it's just I never thought I would end up doing one of these jobs. Then of course there's the age old question of God's will..or is it just a left or right. I have been a christian long enough to know in my head......that God is in the process of reshaping me...to make me into what He wants me to be. My heart doesn't really like it....it's painful in many ways....but not any more painful than the places you have been. I want an answer now....but it just might be wait. I am praying over the things that I can see before me....still unsure. I am holding out a bit longer......maybe God will put something else on the table....but I know I am going to have to make a decision soon--mostly due to finances. Lately I have been craving a place to hideway just for a bit...it just seems like if I had a place where everything stopped it would be easier to decide. It's so easy to be focused on the wrong things. I don't want to be discouraged. I am trying to keep coming back to the Lord and praying for direction. I know I'm not alone in this place...I am encouraged by a few others that are also searching to find their place in this world. Recently a dear friend was kind to share with me---none of us have it figured out...if we are really honest...we are all trying to find that place that God wants us to be. It felt so good to be reminded I'm not alone.
So I weigh the options...pray...wait...and watch... for Him to unfold the next piece of His perfect plan for my life.