It's Amazing.....

and honestly I am humbled tonight. I have been so blinded by my sinful heart that I lost sight of the truth...when we are most honest with God....about what is in our heart...no matter how yucky or sinful....then He can move and work in and through us. It's so hard to be that real sometimes...my pride keeps up the defenses and I in turn miss out on His blessings. I am so thankful for a small breakthrough tonight. A dear friend .....gave my information to a contact so that I could get more information on grad school and my options in the Speech Pathology field. How very kind of you Cristyn...thank you for remembering and following through on that.
I have still been wavering a bit with real estate or speech path....mostly leaning towards the speech. Since Jamie had encouraged me to check into being an speech path. assistant.... I hadn't really found much in the field where I live...so that was discouraging. I wasn't sure that option was something I could do, but after talking with this new connection tonight...I am greatly encouraged that it is an option. I was also very inspired and motivated that I could get my master's degree as well. I believe and have the confidence that I could really do it. It would be pretty cool to be the first in my family with a master's degree......or just the awesomeness(is that a word?=) of working so hard towards it...I believe it would be amazing....BUT I just can't get past the debt.... when there is an option to be debt free as an assistant and get paid well.
With my honesty in saying that I desire to be married and have kids....I just don't think getting back into thousands of dollars of debt is what I need to do at this point. I really want to consider my future...and how close I am to paying off all my debt!!! I also think it might be possible at some point to save and take classes here and there if I still want it.
To top off the evening...after one phone call....I had an offer from a friend to get my much need clinical hours...if it is approved by her supervisor. This would allow me to become a certified speech assistant. So I am praying for God to open up this opportunity. I am so excited just to see God move and work...open up options.. and encourage my heart. I see how much He loves me and needs for me to be real and honest with Him.....lay it all out on the table. It's oh so humbling to admit our deepest needs...frustrations...places we're wrong. I see a ton of pride built up in me...and that has really hurt me these past several years. It truly is a challenge to be a christian for so long and stay humble.....lowly....not having the mindset of.... I know this or that....I don't have to read my Bible tonight cause I've read it for at least 15 years now....and before too long...it hasn't been cracked in days...weeks...months. The I... I.. I......continues to grow....it's so ugly and I am seeing more clearly now. I have become so prideful and in need of His humbling. Even now as I write this I know that I am not where I have been or should be....but where He can work on my heart and make it soft once again. I cringe to think of how hardened some of it actually is.....I appreciate some recent conversations with a couple of people. Without even knowing it...the words and responses of your heart shed light on the yucky pride in mine. I pray He continues to clean and renew it. I don't like this person I have become over these past few years...oh how easy it is to put on the face and proudly bring our offerings...all the while God is pleading...demanding...even fighting to have our whole heart...because that is how much He loves us.