Jesus Lover Of My Soul..Charles Wesley

Jesus, lover of my soul,
let me to thy bosom fly,
while the nearer waters roll,
while the tempest still is high.
Hide me, O my Savior, hide,
till the storm of life is past;
safe into the haven guide;
O receive my soul at last.

Other refuge have I none,
hangs my helpless soul on thee;
leave, ah! leave me not alone,
still support and comfort me.
All my trust on thee is stayed,
all my help from thee I bring;
cover my defenseless head
with the shadow of thy wing.

Wilt Thou not regard my call?
Wilt Thou not accept my prayer?
Lo! I sink, I faint, I fall-
Lo! on Thee I cast my care;
Reach me out Thy gracious hand!
While I of Thy strength receive,
Hoping against hope I stand,
dying, and behold, I live.

Thou, O Christ, art all I want,
more than all in thee I find;
raise the fallen, cheer the faint,
heal the sick, and lead the blind.
Just and holy is thy name,
I am all unrighteousness;
false and full of sin I am;
thou art full of truth and grace.

Plenteous grace with thee is found,
grace to cover all my sin;
let the healing streams abound,
make and keep me pure within.
Thou of life the fountain art,
freely let me take of thee;
spring thou up within my heart;
rise to all eternity.

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While I Am Waiting....

A friend of mine introduced me to this song...and it's so my heart right now...it's where I'm at for various reasons.
I am so thankful He has taken away my desire to date anyone...I really needed a break from all that. I am thankful... He has replaced it with a desire to help kids. He has shown me more needs than I could ever hope to meet. I want to serve Him and worship Him and I will continue to wait on Him.

Joy is a choice......

I just had this feeling after posting so much about joy...and rejoicing that God might decide to challenge me a bit. I have really been trying my best to choose joy. It's actually been kinda exciting. There is something sweet about this place. ..where I really have nothing to depend on but Christ. Two days after my last post...I lost a job that was definitely sustaining me...and I lost my voice...started getting sick. I realized pretty quickly this is a test to see if I will still rejoice.

I have been listening to a ton of messages by Francis Chan. The last few weeks I have continued to listen to his series on joy. In one of the sermons I was so impressed that he was so real about his struggle with joy. He even admitted that he had chosen a few times that week not to be joyful or rejoice....but instead to worry and even be angry about one situation. I just really appreciated his honesty as a pastor. Of course I was hoping I wouldn't respond "like that" but I'm here to tell you I did.

Initially, I felt hurt by God and then just frustrated. I truly love this place He has me....I am trying so hard to make ends meet...to serve Him....trying to be single minded. I truly want to be a blessing to Him and help the kids He has placed in my life. I just wanted to yell....are we not on the same team here?? Lol…. I really couldn't yell anything....because I had no voice..nor could I cry because I got the news while I was in a classroom working. I did tell God that I needed a few minutes to be human. It just seemed only fair that I get some say in this deal. The next class period I was off and was allowed to leave and get my last paycheck. It was on the drive over that I was convicted and apologized to God for my attitude. I knew it was a test and I was blowing it. I told Him from that moment on...I would choose joy. I would not choose to let this get me down. I would keep doing what He has called me to do and He must come through for me. Instead I would choose to praise Him. I thanked Him for the many good things in my life. It was moments later that...my phone rang and it was the school district… they offered me a second part time job. Wow…that had never happened before--the woman in charge of the Speech Therapy Department had remembered my name and passed it along! When I got back to the office...I was given some more opportunities to work overtime. I was so encouraged, excited, amazed...and reminded how big and yet personal My God is and that He will not let my foot slip.
I have been reading about Moses and the children of Israel...and all the miracles He did before Pharaoh. I have seen how God is the one who moves and works everything around us, so that He might be glorified. The children of Israel would cry out to God even after He had freed them and say it was better before… when they were in bondage. They were not choosing to trust in God and that He had something better for them. So....for whatever reason...God had chosen to free me from this job. I realized…I must trust Him...not grumble and complain. I must have hope and trust that He will not fail me. I am still doing all I can to get the speech assistant job going, along with working the overtime.
It's definitely a bummer that I am sick...and I am pretty sure I got sick from being outside interpreting all the soccer practices and games. This led me to spend Valentine's Day waiting to see the doctor for 3 hours and then sitting in the Wal-Mart pharmacy for another hour...can't say that was fun.... it wasn't....but I am learning about joy. I did find some humor in watching couples and especially men trying to find their last minute Valentine gift. I think at least once it crossed my mind how cool it would be if some stranger just walked up and gave me some kind of Valentine. Hahaha..I knew it would never happen...and it was a silly thought…but it made realize again that my longing for love is real and everyone in there was scrambling about trying to find the perfect gift to express their love. Whether we realize it or not…we have all been given the greatest gift ever...Jesus Christ. Our Father- God couldn’t have expressed His love any greater or given a more expensive gift than His Son...Jesus Christ. I see how much more I need to choose joy...to rejoice in Him and make Him known. He is the only one who can make us whole and fulfill our deepest longings. He sustains us and gives us life. There is nothing else promised..…nothing else greater… than Him.

Rejoice in the Lord Always....

Wow...God is good all the time....I'm just thankful that I see it right now. There have been too many times I haven't. There are so many things that just keep making me laugh lately...and compelling me to give. Some of it has to do with a message I listened to one Sunday while cleaning. It was a challenge by Francis Chan to live out the verse...no the command--"Rejoice in the Lord always....and again I say, Rejoice.(Philp 4:4) His message really impacted me. It was such a great reminder that as a christian...God commands joy of me. He knows all too well that I am but flesh.... and need to be commanded to do this. I feel a bit guilty because I'm in what I would call a "good" place now and... it always seems easier to rejoice when I am in this place. I just pray that I continue with this kind of heart...whatever the circumstances.

I can not express to anyone the kind of joy I have in my heart and in this place. I am so very thankful everyday for my job. It has turned into the greatest opportunity for me to love. The deep kind..that will bring you to the point that it hurts sometimes and I am brought to tears of happiness and sometimes sadness for my precious students. It is the greatest joy I've had in a long time to be an interpreter. I love the challenges and I love my students. I am blown away by their stories and how they have and are overcoming adversity. How blessed I am to know them daily...they teach me much. In many ways I admire them.
Yesterday I was left laughing and in shock over a prank one of my student's pulled....there's nothing like walking over to meet their parent and then as you look over and smile at your student...he finger spells to you..f-o-o-l-e-d you. Only to quickly realize....this dad you have been conversing with is not their dad at all...but some random dad waiting for his son after soccer practice!! Good thing I am a prankster myself so I could absolutely appreciate this. It was the funniest joke someone has played on me in a long while! Well done my friend!
I have found my heart overwhelmed to think of ways to help my students succeed, finding ways to challenge them to rise above where they are at, desperately wanting them to dream big...for some this is the idea of going to college.

I am also nervous and excited to start working as a speech assistant in homes. I love the speech field and know this will be valuable experience. I am eager to learn and pray this will open the doors that I need to be elligible for grad school.
Yes...I have found something I am passionate about. Something that can move me to the core of my being. Something that keeps me day dreaming about how it can be done differently or better. I am so humbled that God would be so gracious to allow me to find it. Yet...this place is not without cost. I have never been so poor and yet so very fulfilled. I have never had nothing to give and yet God provides something for me to give....so I am compelled to give. I cannot claim anything...no nothing.... for it is He who is doing it all. I continue to praise Him for His provision and have seen His hand move to provide...but only what is truly needed. I am finding this looks much different than I thought. I am still in awe of one situation. Thank you dear friend...you know who you are.
So....I pray I will continue to rejoice.....and again He says to me..to us.....Rejoice!

Oh My Goodness.....

I haven't been sick like that in awhile! Just for the record.. vomitting spaghetti is an experience I shall not forget!!! =) Wow..I seriously lost 5 lbs. Not even joking!
I know I'm already a night owl...but I was really really hoping for a good nights sleep!!! =( I am so bright eyed and ready to eat something...it's frustrating! =( This is so not good cause I have to be at work earlier than usual tomorrow. Uugghh. Oh well..just know you were prayed for in the wee hours of the morning night...

Feeling like me again....

All I can say is....Praise the Lord!!! =) I am feeling like me again. I'm not chasing after friendships....there's not one person of the opposite sex I am interested in....but I am resting in the Lord. I'm so done chasing after any kind of idol! It feels so great. There is so much joy. I feel so free... I have been through some tough places...mostly due to my stupidity...and not that there aren't more around the corner...but it just feels so good to be me again. In odd ways I have been stripped of some relationships. I praise Him for it. I am so full of joy and I know it's because the Lord has healed my heart! He has shown Himself faithful and that only He can be what I need. He has made me whole! I know He is so much better..than ANY relationship. I had breakfast with a dear dear friend who is a bit older than myself and I asked her about her singleness--since she is about to head overseas. She just reminded me that Paul said it's better to be single....she decided maybe there was something to that...if Paul said it...it's in the Bible.....the Bible is true...then maybe she should start believing it. What struck me is how precious it is to take the Bible as truth. It gives life and sustains. So...I am finding the joy in being single. Believing that as long as God has given me this gift...it must be better. So far it has been better...especially when I hear of my friends who are in hard marriages, divorced, or in a hard relationship but won't get out because they fear being alone. The single life must be so much better than being in a wrong relationship!
I am finding fun and joy! I am completely 100 percent myself these days. I just figure if God has someone for me......he will have to work for this girl......I am so done doing ANYTHING!!
So what if He has to climb a wall....that's what men were created to do..climb walls and slay dragons!! =)

Obedience Brings Blessing....

I am so thankful to finally and completely yield something to God. I feel so free tonight. I have such peace that trancends all understanding...and I know that this choice will bring life. I will forget what lies behind and press on towards the call of Christ....even if it means walking alone.

Job....

Job 11:13-20
"Yet if you devote your heart to Him
and stretch out your hands to Him,
if you put away the sin that is in your hand
and allow no evil to dwell in your tent,
then you will lift up your face without shame;
you will stand firm without fear.
You will surely forget your trouble,
recalling it only as waters gone by.
Life wil be brighter than noonday,
and darkness will become like morning.
You will be secure, because there is hope;
you will look about you and take your rest in safety.
You will lie down, with no one to make you afraid,
and many will court your favor.
But the eyes of the wicked will fail,
and escape will elude them;
their hope will become a dying gasp."

Some Reflections.....

I am so thankful for a new year....a new begining. I am very much in need of one. A friend of mine shared a verse that is taking him into the new year....and I really like it. "Forgetting what lies behind and straining toward what is ahead. I press on toward the goal."(Phi. 3:13 b,14)
Another passage that stands out in my mind is one that Matt taught on two weeks ago. I haven't been able to shake it. II Timothy 2..."be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus." I know as I approach this next year...there are many things that I hope to change..but as Matt pointed out...I can't will myself to do them...the power to change comes from the grace in Christ Jesus..his gospel. That I am covered in all my efforts and failures. Paul goes on to say "endure hardship with us like a good solider of Christ Jesus. No soldier gets involved...or entangled in the affairs of civilian life--because he wants to please his commanding officer. Similarly, if anyone competes as an athlete, he does not recieve a victor's crown unless he competes according to the rules. I was very convicted because in so many ways I have broken rules this past year. Lastly...The hardworking farmer should be the first to recieve a share of the crops. To this Matt pointed out..it's not the lazy farmer who sits on his couch and prays for God to remove weeds that gets a crop....but the farmer who gets up at sunrise and toils and crys out to God...pleads for God to bless his effort...bless this crop. This man...is completely dependent on God. Surely this man will receive a crop.

This has been playing over and over in my mind for two weeks. As I was sitting in church...and in my time of reflection over this..how much I wished I could say I was the hard working farmer....but I have been lazy. Wanting God to move and work in my life..but not putting forth the effort I should. I have broken rules...I have built idols. ..

"to place sacrifices at the feet of idols, she destroys her temple. There are no golden calves or statues of Baal hidden in her home, but look in the secrets of her heart, the hidden places of her insecurities and her idols abound. Idols and temples are not made of brick, stone, or gold. Everyday actions, so routine they become a part of who we are. We cannot recognize the idolatry in our own behavior, much less that we are the sacrifice."(1)

Idolatry is a divided heart.

"The greatest consquence of living with a divided heart is the eventual inability to know which love will bring life and which will bring death.(2)

~Who Calls Me Beautiful:Regina Franklin (1. pg 61 2. pg. 65)

So I come this new year....in hopes of not being as James says...the double minded man unstable in all his ways....but I pray and hope to be able to live as if "whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them but rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in-the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. The last part scares me...because to truly know Christ..the power of His resurrection is to also know his suffering....becoming like Him in death...to attain resurrection from the dead.
I really pray that at the end of this year...2009 I will find my heart closer to God.... with less idols in my life... and striving hard for what lies ahead.
I have taken on the challenge of reading through the whole Bible this year. As I have started out I am already seeing the blessing of cultivating my heart...with the Word of God. I have had to say no to some places and people....but already my heart is being renewed and I pray that mind will be transformed as well.
Blessings and Peace to you this new year. I pray that your heart will be stirred with new and deeper affection for Christ as well. I pray that together we can spur one another on to love and good deeds...all the more until the day of Christ Jesus.

Love this...

I am lost for words...I just know I want to know Him more...to be more like Him...I am reflecting much over my life and pray to be more like Jesus Christ. I love this song..and it says what I long for...

More Than A Friend......