Joy is a choice......

I just had this feeling after posting so much about joy...and rejoicing that God might decide to challenge me a bit. I have really been trying my best to choose joy. It's actually been kinda exciting. There is something sweet about this place. ..where I really have nothing to depend on but Christ. Two days after my last post...I lost a job that was definitely sustaining me...and I lost my voice...started getting sick. I realized pretty quickly this is a test to see if I will still rejoice.

I have been listening to a ton of messages by Francis Chan. The last few weeks I have continued to listen to his series on joy. In one of the sermons I was so impressed that he was so real about his struggle with joy. He even admitted that he had chosen a few times that week not to be joyful or rejoice....but instead to worry and even be angry about one situation. I just really appreciated his honesty as a pastor. Of course I was hoping I wouldn't respond "like that" but I'm here to tell you I did.

Initially, I felt hurt by God and then just frustrated. I truly love this place He has me....I am trying so hard to make ends meet...to serve Him....trying to be single minded. I truly want to be a blessing to Him and help the kids He has placed in my life. I just wanted to yell....are we not on the same team here?? Lol…. I really couldn't yell anything....because I had no voice..nor could I cry because I got the news while I was in a classroom working. I did tell God that I needed a few minutes to be human. It just seemed only fair that I get some say in this deal. The next class period I was off and was allowed to leave and get my last paycheck. It was on the drive over that I was convicted and apologized to God for my attitude. I knew it was a test and I was blowing it. I told Him from that moment on...I would choose joy. I would not choose to let this get me down. I would keep doing what He has called me to do and He must come through for me. Instead I would choose to praise Him. I thanked Him for the many good things in my life. It was moments later that...my phone rang and it was the school district… they offered me a second part time job. Wow…that had never happened before--the woman in charge of the Speech Therapy Department had remembered my name and passed it along! When I got back to the office...I was given some more opportunities to work overtime. I was so encouraged, excited, amazed...and reminded how big and yet personal My God is and that He will not let my foot slip.
I have been reading about Moses and the children of Israel...and all the miracles He did before Pharaoh. I have seen how God is the one who moves and works everything around us, so that He might be glorified. The children of Israel would cry out to God even after He had freed them and say it was better before… when they were in bondage. They were not choosing to trust in God and that He had something better for them. So....for whatever reason...God had chosen to free me from this job. I realized…I must trust Him...not grumble and complain. I must have hope and trust that He will not fail me. I am still doing all I can to get the speech assistant job going, along with working the overtime.
It's definitely a bummer that I am sick...and I am pretty sure I got sick from being outside interpreting all the soccer practices and games. This led me to spend Valentine's Day waiting to see the doctor for 3 hours and then sitting in the Wal-Mart pharmacy for another hour...can't say that was fun.... it wasn't....but I am learning about joy. I did find some humor in watching couples and especially men trying to find their last minute Valentine gift. I think at least once it crossed my mind how cool it would be if some stranger just walked up and gave me some kind of Valentine. Hahaha..I knew it would never happen...and it was a silly thought…but it made realize again that my longing for love is real and everyone in there was scrambling about trying to find the perfect gift to express their love. Whether we realize it or not…we have all been given the greatest gift ever...Jesus Christ. Our Father- God couldn’t have expressed His love any greater or given a more expensive gift than His Son...Jesus Christ. I see how much more I need to choose joy...to rejoice in Him and make Him known. He is the only one who can make us whole and fulfill our deepest longings. He sustains us and gives us life. There is nothing else promised..…nothing else greater… than Him.