Recovery....

I am very excited to be going to a Bible study at The Village called Recovery. It has taken some time to get to this place. ..due to pride. I am thankful to be here. A place with other believers who desire to examine their hearts and deal with sin. It has been so good to be able to verbally admit my huge short comings. To come face to face with my idolatry....to acknowledge how deceitful my heart truly is....to know apart from Him... His grace...I am insufficent.

I have also started back reading a book When People are Big and God is Small. God has pointed out numerous ways that I have allowed Him to become so small. I ask His forgiveness.

....I see that every time I make God small.....I love less....my love can only be as big as my God. I don't have the power nor desire to love like He calls me to love...all I have to offer is a watered down version that runs out.

A quote from the book...."regarding other people, our problem is that we need them (for ourselves) more than we love them(for the glory of God) The task God sets for us is to need them less and love them more....instead of looking at ways to manipulate others, I need to ask God what my duty is toward them."

I see how completely self focused I am....not wanting to love some...because the bottom line is...they have nothing to give me. Wanting to love others because of what I think I will gain.

It's really sick and it shows my total depravity apart from Christ's love...apart from Him being BIG in my life.

I am really praying for God to become BIGGER in my eyes....the fear of the Lord is the begining of knowledge......from knowledge of Him...I know how to obey Him. ..to do His will....to walk by real faith. (thank you Lee for the reminder of what real faith is)

I have made Him so small....and it has affected everything. My love for others...my obedience....the ability to trust Him.

As I have been reading this book....it has continued to point me back to the Bible. The challenge to see God for who He is.....HUGE. I have put so many idols in the place of God that it's hard to follow Him. I don't trust Him like I should...because my eyes are not on Him. They are on the circumstances.... relationships....on my "needs." It's my pride and selfishness that keep me...from seeing the most magnificent....glorious....amazing.....larger than life...one and only living God.

I pray that I and everything else in my life becomes so small and that He becomes magnified above everything else....only then can I love..obey.. dare to walk by faith.